ISee You
by Tory Tells All
Summary: She thought that she could hide from him. He thought he wouldn't fall for her. They thought it was harmless fun. They both thought wrong. SEDDIE.
1. Chapter 1  Denial

**I do not own ICarly, Sam Puckett, Carly Shay, or Freddie Benson. Sadly.**

This is my first piece of Fan fiction, hopefully you guys like it so I feel inspired to continue! Constructive criticism is always welcome. Now, on with the story…

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><p><strong>Chapter 1: Denial<strong>

Everything blends together when Sam runs. Her heart pounds; her adrenaline rises. It's a release. An endorphin of the best kind... Better than the alcohol, better than any drug. Which is why she's is running; she has to get away. Everything is happening way too fast for her to process. "None of this can be real." She convinces herself. She shakes her head in an attempt to throw away the memories of her day and the last 4 years. She runs faster than she's used to, moving with the beat of the music blaring out of her headphones, her feet barley hitting the pavement beneath her. Maybe she's finally broken down the barrier between running away and floating.

Biting back tears that are slowly creeping past her defenses, Sam glances behind her to see if he has followed. A small ping of sadness passes through her as she realizes that she's alone, truly alone. It's not like she didn't expect it. She slows down to a jog when she notices that her chest is aching from running so hard – or maybe it's the crying. Strangely, she welcomes the feeling of weariness as it seeps into her. This time, Sam has actually managed to escape.

Only until you have to return, interrupts her mind. She knows ignoring the problem will not make it vanish, but she figures it's as good a start as any. Shutting her eyes close tightly, Sam begins to sing along with the music in her ears as she walks along an all too familiar path barely visible through a cluster of trees.

Eventually she finds their spot. Or so she had deemed it the first time the pair had stumbled upon the location on their walk home from school on a new route; it was nothing special. Just a single log draped across land that had been cut away by the stream flowing underneath it… Over time, and as the place grew meaning, Sam had secured the log, making it large enough for a person (or two) to sit comfortably on.

Sam smiles as she steps onto the worn down bark, relishing in the feeling of familiarity it brings. She sits down and pulls her knees to her chest.

She almost can't believe why she's here, but the carvings in the wood beneath her remind her all too well of what she's running from. She traces her fingers along the jagged SP + FB initials in the wood and sighs.

"You can't keep running forever Puckett." Sam whispers to herself "Reality will catch up eventually."

"FUCK" she yells suddenly. Then, realizing what she has done, she whips her head around and searches for signs of other people. Of small children or old people she may have offended. She relaxes somewhat when she finds no one. A gentle breeze passes over her, shaking the leaves and causing the water below to move ever so slightly. A small dragonfly looms around her lazily, drawing invisible figure eights that Sam tries to trace with her hands. After a few minutes the small creature flies away and, despite her attempts to forget the past couple of hours, she breaks down into heavy sobs. "Don't go" Sam says to it. "Please."

"SAM!" Someone calls from a distance. She hears the voice, even knows who it belongs to, but as much as she wants to stop crying, she can't. Instead, her sobs become heavier and her body begins shaking from the weight of the situation. She can't deny her feelings for him anymore. They come, wave upon wave, as she sits there on their log, helpless and alone.

He calls her name again, this time closer. Finding a small amount of will power, Sam raises her hand and wipes away the tears that now stain her pale cheeks. He can't see her like this. She hears his faint footsteps behind her followed by a deep sigh. She doesn't turn around. She knows she doesn't need to.

"Sam" Freddie's voice says quietly, and the unexpected gentleness in his tone causes her tears to start up again. She buries her head in her arms and bites her bottom lip until it hurts, trying her best to silence her sobs. She has no control over her body, and as soon as she feels his strong grip on her shoulders, she falls into his arms like she used to and weeps uncontrollably. Sam can feel his arms shifting around her body as he moves to sit beside her on their log and a small part of her is glad that he's here. As much as she had wished to be alone right now, she knew that he knew exactly what she needed. He always did.

She cries for several more minutes while he gently glides his fingers through her nest of tangled blonde hair, calming her sobs into nothing but a few gradual heaves. When Sam is finally reduced to nothing but sniffles, she brings herself closer to him despite her best efforts against it.

"Sam" He says her name softer this time, and she picks up her head from his shoulder to look at him for the first time since she ran away from him a couple hours before.

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><p>Sam's heart had beat uncontrollably as she ran as fast as her feet would carry her down the hall, pushing her way through crowds of students and faculty who stopped to gawk at her as she passed them. This couldn't be happening, Sam thought. Not after everything they had been through. Not after what they had done.<p>

How could she be so stupid? Had she really miss read all those signs? She could feel the redness making its way to her cheeks, a telltale sign that she was about to cry.

She couldn't let them see her like this.

Just run. She urged herself. Run before they all witness the love sick wimp you really are.

In the glass reflection of the door Sam was about to escape from, She could see that several feet behind her, Freddie had broken his kiss with the brunette girl before him, and that what was once a smile on his face was quickly replaced with a look of shock and confusion at Sam's quick departure. "Sam?" she could hear him yell through the crowd.

"SAM!"

She ignored the rest of his cries as she shoved the door open and let the cool fall air embrace her. Then, she started to run. She ran to the only place she knew she could seek refuge. The only place she knew he could find her, if he wanted to. She knew that Freddie would wonder why she didn't stop for him, why she had ran in the first place… but she also knew that if she talked to him at the moment, faced him and Carly… that her resolve would break.

Sam ran because wasn't good at hurting.

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><p>"I'm sorry, Freddie I-" she whispers faintly, her eyes shimmering with tears.<p>

He shakes his head. "Don't."

She wants to say more, she knows that she should…she owes him an explanation, but her chin is once again shaking and she can't find the right words. She never can, and that's the problem. He watches as she bites her lip and a tear rolls down her face. Knowing that there is little he can do, Freddie reaches out and grazes his thumb over her cheek, erasing the tear and its path from her face. At this gesture, Sam cracks ever so slightly and leans her head on his shoulder once again.

"Why did this have to happen between us?" she whispers.

"I don't know Sam," his reply is short winded and she thinks she can hear some kind of sadness in his tone.

"But you know we can't stay out here."

Out of the corner of her eye, Sam can see him tracing his index finger along the initials they had carved into the wood so long ago. Light years ago, it seemed.

"We have to go back." His voice is strained as he continues.

"Carly's worried."

Sam shakes her head against his shoulder. "I don't want to go back Fred, I can't see her right now"

"You need to." He states.

"Why?"

"Because she's your best friend…and she didn't know…she kissed me Sam." He clears his throat, searches for the words that fit.

"And she wouldn't of if she had known" he whispers.

And it was true. How could Carly of known? The bond Freddie and Sam had built over the last 4 years had been a secret the two of them had only shared with each other. It had started on a random day as nothing but a harmless kiss between lifelong friends but had progressed to so much more.

Sam nods and reluctantly pulls away from him, taking his hand when he stands up and offers it to her. She allows him to pull her up from the ground and gladly accepts the hug he immediately wraps her in. It's long; longer than a friend would hug another friend. She pulls back after a few moments and looks at him. Then, she takes a deep breath before she walks away from him, an action she felt signified everything she was feeling. Freddie watches her for a moment before he follows.

A few months into the sex, Freddie had begun to see Sam Puckett, the girl he couldn't stand, the vain to his mere existence in a different light. It wasn't just the way she looked naked, or how her toes curled up after they had finished, or how peaceful she looked when she slept that did it for him though. It was the fact that every day, more and more, he could notice Sam changing.

It was subtle at first and mostly just apparent to him…but it was still there. Sam had begun to be nice to Freddie outside of bed. She did things for him. She even smiled at him once or twice in public. She didn't push him around…as much…and when she would steal him away for a kiss when no one was looking, he swore he could feel sparks. Then there was the fact that she was beautiful. Had she always been beautiful? He didn't know. He was used to going for girls like Carly…But the spunky, curly haired blonde in their trio had given him second thoughts on his idea of attraction.

Whether they liked it or not, Freddie and Sam had fallen for each other.

"How did you find me?" Sam asks, breaking Freddie's thought process as his running car came in to view in the distance. Though they are still far from the vehicle, Sam could tell that Carly was in the passenger's seat waiting for their return. "I told her I wanted to find you alone" Freddie says.

He squeezes Sam's hand gently. "I knew you would go someplace that would clear your head." She smiles. "Hey, look at that: a smile."

"I smile," she replies. Freddie looks down at her and raises an eyebrow. "Okay," she admits. "I know I haven't smiled today, but can you really blame me?" As they near the car Sam slows down, the current situation catching up with her once more.

"Sam?" Freddie asks when he feels her stop completely.

"Sam, it's alright," he says quietly as he turns to faces her.

She shakes her head vehemently and raises her watery blue eyes to look at her best friend. Why did she have to love him? "No, it's not. She loves you Freddie… and I know you love her too."

He doesn't say anything. Instead, he looks down, wrapping his arms around her as another round of sobs roll through her already exhausted body. She had known it was true. She just didn't know it would hurt so bad putting it on the table. She had hoped he would deny it, but why would he? He had been in love with Carly their entire friendship…so what was 4 years with Sam? "I'm an idiot-" Sam begins to mumble something, but the words are muffled as she cries. She decides that now is as good as any time to tell him.

"Freddie I'm pregnant" she whispers.

And then, just like that, the world stops.

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><p><strong>So what do you guys think? Should I continue? Let me know…my head is full of ideas for this.<strong>


	2. Chapter 2: Confinement

**I do not own ICarly, but if I did, it would be called ISam.**

Hi guys! Thanks to the few of you who reviewed the first chapter to this and told me what you thought Feedback means the world to me. All of your responses to this story as it continues is really going to be my encouragement to follow through. I want to know you guys like it after all! Anyway, on a side note, what were your thoughts on ILove You? Crazy right? I thought it was the best episode in the arch despite the break up. I loved the "I love you scene" and it also made it very clear to me that Seddie are SO end game…with Cibby not far behind (They have been getting a lot of screen time together). Anyway, don't be discouraged by that episode guys! Dan did set it up as a "Arch" after all – and all arches have ends…so I saw this coming. Seddie is so not over, they'll probably reunite during the final episode if not sooner…I just think with ICarly being a kid show, Dan doesn't want to focus too much on any relationship, unfortunately…but I'm talking too much…on to the story!

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><p><strong>Chapter 2: Confinement<strong>

"I just need a minute," Freddie's voice whispers huskily as he takes my fingers in his; his large hand completely swallowing mine.

He pulls me slowly through the maze of tables and students, our hands linked only by our hooked index fingers. He leads me straight for a set of double doors, which I stare at with a sort of tunnel vision seeing nothing else, and certainly not realizing that being completely alone with him is a bad idea this time. And as we slip into the hollowed out closet, void of all things except for one solitary stack of chairs, the inner, more rational me, is screaming to run. He closes the doors and flicks on a pale yellow light. He then turns to me and bends his head down like he always does when he's about to press his soft, full lips against mine.

"Can I kiss you?" He whispers.

But he doesn't wait for my answer.

His tongue tangles with mine in a way that makes my toes curl, and he touches me in a way that makes my entire brain numb. Time melts away as we kiss and slowly work ourselves up to a desperate desire to do more. As he lifts me onto the stack of chairs I realize that this is inevitable.

Freddie's breathe pours hot on my face as I focus on the touch of his burning-hot mouth and tongue against my throat, jaw, lips, and breasts as his hands slowly push their way up the soft fabric of my dress. This shouldn't be happening. I know that.

But that doesn't mean I can stop.

His mouth tangles with mine in one long kiss as his hands hook around my hips and draw me closer and closer and closer until there's no more room between us. No room to stop.

I feel his soft hands sprawl across my back and I tremble at the heat in his palms. How did he always know just where to touch me?

Freddie's chest presses against mine, and I can feel his breath hitch in a way that tells me he's tired of holding back. His arms carefully wind around me ensuring my balance on the stack of cushioned chairs he has me pressed against. Were in a small secluded closet of the ballroom where Senior Homecoming is in full swing. He had told Carly he would be back in a sec… that it was time he made mandatory check in phone call with his mom, but had met me instead.

I knew I should feel guilty.

But I don't. Not as much as I should.

It's hard, after all, to feel guilty when the guy you love is kissing you in a way that makes you want to believe he loves you to.

I close my eyes tight and try to forget what a fool I am as I slowly run my hands along the underside of his tuxedo jacket and dress shirt, finally making contact with the skin of his surprisingly masculine body.

Being with him was perfect. It was tender. It was wrong. But I loved him—I loved him desperately. More than I could fathom. More than I would admit.

And it was that love that would hurt me more than I could say.

Freddie had peeled back a layer of my well-formed defenses, and I realized that there was no going back to the point where I had been pleasantly avoiding and ignoring him all night as he danced with Carly. There was no pretending to hate him; there was no time for ugly looks, no time to run away. Within moments, he brought his body to mine, lifted me to a mountaintop and crashing down with me, just like always.

Now, on the way down from that indescribable high, reality hit me like a freight train, and over the sound of our panting breaths, I can hear music and laughing just outside the door. I had just made love—passionately—on a stack of chairs in a closet off a ballroom at the Botanic Gardens in Seattle, during homecoming, to one of my best friends and worst enemies. I had just made love to the dork that I swore id never fall in love with. A guy that was just so conveniently the object of our third Best friend's affections.

Yet I can't stay away. I can't refuse his touch.

Freddie's fingers move along the small of my back, applying pressure so that were still flush together although the peak of the mountain has come and gone. I feel breathless, numb, completely ridiculous, and small in his arms. He holds me as if I'm a prize and treasure and presses his hot mouth over the pulse point in my throat.

"I love you," he whispers against my skin.

And honestly…I don't know if I'm happy or sad to hear the words escape his mouth.

His fingers move rhythmically through my hair as he touches the loose tendrils as if they are breakable extensions of me. He presses his forehead against mine, and a moment later, I feel the surface of his lips skim over my chin.

"I love you" he repeats.

My heart twists hearing it, but only because I'm sure that I can't let him love me—just as I couldn't love him.

I slowly unwind my arms from his muscular torso and press my palms over his chest. I feel his heart thudding wildly and know in an instant that it matches my own. I drop my hands a bit and press them against his stomach so that he'll step back—I can't have him inside me anymore. I can't stand the connection between us—like static morphed into a full electrical shock. I can't tell if he takes this move as a rejection or not, but he obeys by drawing back slowly and pulling my dress back down over my thighs as some last form of modesty. He study's me for a moment and then laughs bitterly, shaking his head and rubbing his face.

"Not again, Sam" Freddie whispers, his voice hitching to a level that tells me he's borderline angry.

I didn't know how to explain, so instead I lamely mutter, "I can't…"

"Stop!" His voice is firm and forceful and it's a tone that he's _never_ used with me before. Sure we bicker and fight, but it had become like foreplay between us, and it almost always turned into something more playful, something wicked. Now his anger pulsated toward me like fire and I could tell that he was at a loss for words. With trembling hands I slowly fixed the top of my dress which he had somehow managed to pull down again. When the silence stretches on and on and on, broken only by the sound of James Morrison's _You Make it Real_ pumping through the walls, I bring my blue eyes to his brown ones.

"Freddie…"

"Let me guess," he bites off bitterly, and then mocks my voice as he says, "'I'm really sorry Fred-dork, but I can't be with you.'"

"So what? I can't!" I cry. "I've told you this time and time again… I…"

"This is bullshit, Sam!" he shouts. "You're just scared!"

I am, but there's no way in hell I'm going to give him the satisfaction of knowing that. He won't understand, and he never listens, so what's the point in explaining it? I've said from the beginning that I'd need time—a lot of it—if I were to date a guy like Freddie: He was smart…too smart for someone like me. Too good. I watch as he rakes his fingers through his soft brown hair, his brown eyes flicker at the floor, the walls, and the door—anywhere but me. Finally he closes the gap between us with two powerful strides.

"Be with me" Freddie whispers desperately grabbing my hands. My heart leaps at his touch and I try to pull away but he doesn't let me. He kisses me hard, pushing his tongue into my mouth. I can still taste ginger ale from the dance on his lips. He breaks the kiss hastily and begs me with his eyes—Freddie never begs me. "Bensons don't beg." He had once cockily told me during a heated make out session in his car. "They take."

"Please Sam… please… I want to be your boyfriend, I… I'm not like…Carly and me, we don't cli-"

"No." I interrupt, not recognizing the suddenly squeaky sound of my own voice. I feel the blood rushing from my face and suddenly feel very dizzy. I push off the seat of chairs, desperate to get down and away from him, and watch as they topple over at my sudden departure and crash to the floor. The noise is deafening, but no one comes to investigate—_Thriller _is now a big hit on the dance floor. My heart thuds in my chest as he follows me to the door. Before I can escape, he grabs my arm—not hard, as Freddie would never hurt me (Id hurt him worse)—and twists me around to face him.

"Why not?" His voice is trembling "Is this about Carly?" he asks.

"Of course it is Freddie" I cry. "She still likes you. A lot. Or was that not obvious when she asked you to homecoming?"

The silence that follows that statement is deafening.

"I don't care about Carly the way I care about you" Freddie finally says as he releases my arm with a groan. He stares down at me for a moment and I see disappointment, anger, pain, and sadness in his eyes. "You know what—I can't do this anymore either." There's something final in his voice that twists my stomach painfully. "I'm not going to fight for you anymore, Sam, I'm not going to put my heart on the line time and time again because you're too stubborn to let go of my past with Carly to see that a future with me could be happy. I'm sick of living like this. I'm sick of you not believing me when I say I love you. I'm sick of you coming to me willingly, only to shove me away the instant it's over. I'm sick of that rejection. I'm sick of giving you _everything_ that I have only to have it thrown back in my face. I'm done."

"Done?" I stammer. "But…"

"No, it's too late. It's over—" he grabs the handle of the closet door and jerks it open. He stumbles out in complete disarray. His pants are nearly falling off, his shirt is undone, and his hair is a mess, but he doesn't care. I hurry after him and call his name. It's not like me to chase, but the panic of what's happening overcomes me. He ignores me until I can catch up enough to grab a hold of his arm. He whirls around and bears down on me; his voice is low and growly, "You can't have it all Sam. I'm not going to take it anymore—I'm not going to be your stupid whipping boy. I'm not going to love you anymore. I'm not going to _think_ about you anymore. You aren't a part of my life."

"Please, I just need—"

"Time?" he scoffs. "I've given you time!"

"Four years of it to be exact!"

"No you haven't!" I yell, tears prickling my eyes. "You haven't Freddie and you know you haven't—any time we just _talk_ it turns into sex. You don't respect that I need…"

"RESPECT?" He shouts. He looks away, pressing his lips together to keep whatever words he wants to say from tumbling out and maybe hurting me more than he already has. I step closer, I don't want to lose him—I really don't. I just need time, I need time to work things out in my head—time to forget the past. I need Freddie, I just can't tell him that—I don't know how to.

"Sam… let go of my coat," he says with an exhaustive sigh. I look down to see that I'm clutching him desperately. I know the moment my fingers uncurl from the fabric that he'll be gone and I'll be alone. I don't want to be alone. I just want time to figure things out in my head.

"Freddie, please…"

"No… I'm done with you," he reaches down and grabs my hand only to release me instantly as if my skin burns him. "Let go, Sam, please." He whispers. I watch his brown eyes flicker away from my face as I look up at him. His jaw works as he swallows and his lips press together in a firm line. When he speaks again, the words are forced and strained, "Please!" I release him, but only because he said please—Freddie rarely says please, at least to me. The moment my hold breaks, he stalks off and disappears into a crowd of students. I know he's about to find Carly and apologize for being gone so long. I know they're about to dance. I know they're about to be dubbed king and queen, but somehow, I can't get myself to leave. I stare after him for a moment and then look at the floor, not really focusing on anything but my misery.

I had completely and utterly fucked up my life.

That was a fact made clear 3 months later, when Freddie was still ignoring me, Carly was knee deep in love, and I was puking my way through the first semester of my Senior year.

I guess you could call it karma.


End file.
